A Week In Comments

First they raised the console game prices, but I did not speak, because I was a PC gamer.

Then they started using StarForce, TAGES, and SecuROM, but I did not speak, because I was not a software pirate.

Then, they made used game buyers pay for the free DLC, but I did not speak, because I buy my games new.

Then, they forced PC gamers to be constantly connected to the internet to play games, and there was nobody left to speak for me, because everybody was on hold with EA trying to get their Cerberus Network code to work.

That’s when it hit me. It sounds almost dramatic and strange that a game can bring back memories almost as much as a smell, but they can. I sat on my couch with my wife, I was playing the game, she was reading a book, but she looked at me and asked, “What are you staring at?”. I wasn’t staring at anything. I was peering into the screen that took me back years and years. I was imagining myself and my cousin, who’s also my best friend, staying up until midnight night after night to simply get to World 8. The words, “Save the P-Wings!” echoed through my mind as I made my way through a castle and received one as a gift. I remembered that with our parents’ alcoholism, we turned to video games to keep our minds occupied as kids; this game was our game of choice.

As said before, it sounds so dramatic. But I always feel sympathetic for a lot of us that almost feel attached to the past, playing games we love and remember. I’m not alone, as recently I read an article of a guy who, every year, would play through the entire game of the original Zelda with his dad until he passed. Before my Dad got real sick when I was younger, he thought it was “ingenious” to strike down Bowser with a Mechakoopa, and would ask me to see if I could “beat Bowser” because he knew it made me happy in a time when I was sad to see my father in pain. It’s 9:30 in the morning here and I’m only saying this because this was on my mind as I fell asleep, and I’ve just woken up.

In conclusion, you’re never to old or young to play video games. Sometimes, that break away from real life is just the thing you need. From Atari to Wii, enjoy what you play and have fun. It’s not a contest of who can get the highest gamerscore, or who can nab the most trophies, no. Just have a fucking fantastic time, and don’t keep games away from your kids.

What character shall you choose for this fine vagrant adventure?

MALE◀

FEMALE

Name your character.

BEARDMAN◀

Your male vagrant named BEARDMAN is at Level 1 Drifter.

What city shall your fellow hoboes inhabit?

Oakland◀

SnFrisco

San Jose

Gilroy

Oakland is your character’s new destination on the road.

He has chosen to stay in Jack London Square for the night. Two hours pass, and an Armed Cop comes by, and asks what he is doing taking residence in a public location. Desperate not to leave, BEARDMAN springs into action.

BEARDMAN encounters Armed Cop! What will BEARDMAN do?

TALK

OFFER

ACT “SHITCRZY”◀

RUN

◇ATTACK◀

◇DEFEND

◇SPECIAL

◇ITEM

BEARDMAN attack for 10 DAMAGE! Armed Cop auto-parries with StelthFist! 20 DAMAGE in return!!

Armed Cop defends.

What will BEARDMAN do?

TALK◀

OFFER

ACT “SHITCRZY”

RUN

BEARDMAN attempts to talk with Armed Cop.

Oh no! BEARDMAN’s INTEL has not reached 5, the minimum for speech! As such, Armed Cop is agitated and aggravated by your actions.

Armed Cop arms self with TASER…

What will BEARDMAN do?

TALK

OFFER

ACT “SHITCRZY”◀

RUN

◇ATTACK

◇DEFEND

◇SPECIAL

◇ITEM

▪T2THBRSH

▪BRKNCLOK

▪MONEY~

▪BREAD◀

▪PRNOMAG

BEARDMAN uses BREAD. Recovered 10 HP. But scatters loads of CRUMBS in the process…

Armed Cop attacks with TASER!

MISSED

What will BEARDMAN do?

TALK

OFFER

ACT “SHITCRZY”

RUN◀

BEARDMAN attempts to RUN!

CANNOT ESCAPE

Armed Cop attacks with TASER!

BEARDMAN takes 150 fatal DAMAGE!!

BEARDMAN has fallen…

Your BEARDMAN hobo is now dead. As such pertaining to part IVX.234 of the Charter Code of the City of Oakland, BEARDMAN’s body shall be disposed of by sanitation engineers in the early morning of the next Tuesday, and will be disposed of on Treasure Island, where voluptuous seagulls will presumably feast on BEARDMAN’s remains. If not, then the raccoons will. If not them, then the college students of UCSF will presumably dine on exquisite Homo sapiens flesh that Tuesday evening…

GAME OVER

Would you like to start the game again?

YES

NO◀