Backhanded Box Quotes: Cursing Madden

Welcome back to “Backhanded Box Quotes,” a collection of measured, thoughtful criticism from the user reviews of Metacritic, Amazon and elsewhere.

This week’s Backhanded Box Quotes concern a game that needs no introduction: Madden NFL 13, which has somehow managed to sell a zillion copies the past eight years despite not having anything good said about it by the people who still buy it every year.

Madden NFL 13

Released: Aug. 28

Critic: yayonaize (Metacritic)

• “The no fun league has transcended into a video game form.”

Score: 0

Critic: Hooky586 (Metacritic)

• “There are several uniform mistakes throughout the game. For instance when have your seen the Bears wear orange pants?”

Score: 0

Critic: Skaterpunk444 (Metacritic)

• “I literally spent 2 days of playing this game ONLY PUNTS/KICKOFFS AND BLOCKING FIELD GOALS… in till I decided to end my relationship with this game.”

Score: 0

Critic: gridironjunky (Metacritic)

• “This game itself deserves better than the zero I’m giving it. However not much”

Score: 0

Critic: Megan M. Sims (Amazon)

• “the Madden 13 coaster is easily a 3 star rated item due to the hole in the middle and no anti-slip coating.”

Score: 1 star

Critic: Brandon P. “Brandon” (Amazon)

• “The kicking suck like butthole.”

Score: 1 star

Backhanded Box Quotes will be an occasional feature of Kotaku’s Anger Management hour, unless it isn’t.