Borderlands
Hoo boy, this one is just depressing. The brand-new Borderlands movie starring Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jack Black, and Ariana Greenblatt isn’t the kind of bad video game movie that will eventually become a cult classic—it’s just plain bad. It’s not even bad enough to inspire hate-watches or spawn memes like Madame Web, which could afford it a sort of second life after what will inevitably be a disappointing box office performance and that’s largely because it is so thoroughly uninspired. The film, which strips the fun out of a universe that already teeters on the precipice of being irreparably annoying, has dialogue that feels like it was written by an AI trained on the tamest corner of Reddit, CGI that deadens a world steeped in color, and performances that have “I am collecting a check” written all over them. I don’t think time will be kind to Borderlands, and it shouldn’t be. — Alyssa Mercante
