Come to Think of It, the Original NFL Blitz Did Have a Dirty-Sounding Playbook

The fine football satirists at Every Day Should Be Saturday caught on to something that eluded me during NFL Blitz‘s launch back in January. Not only are late hits stripped out of the game, the playbook has been toned down considerably.

Not in terms of play dynamics—you still have “Da Bomb”, and all sorts of elaborate plays that take forever to get set up, allowing the opposing defense plenty of time to wreck your quarterback. It’s in the name of the plays. Specifically, the original Blitz had:

• Flood Slit

• Tasty Treat

• Smack You

• Deep Attack

EDSBS also cited a “Double Teen Anal Mesh” and “CTE BRAINBLEED NUTSLAP,” but they must have been on a platform I did not play at the time.

In the EA Sports reboot of NFL Blitz, the most suggestive it gets is, maybe … “Cruis’n?” If you’re looking for a hookup in a public park or an airport restroom, I suppose. “Split Backs” takes a lot of raised eyebrows and amirite to be a double-entendre.

NFL Blitz Had a Very Suggestive Playbook [Every Day Should Be Saturday]