9. Anders
Look, I know. But please hear me out before you start throwing tomatoes. Anders is possessed by the spirit of Justice, but he’s also possessed by his devotion to his cause. And that devotion extends to you, as well. You want a man who is obsessed with you? That’s Anders. You think a man who blew up a church in an act of terro—uh, revolution is going to ever half-ass your birthday or not appreciate the big moments of your lives together? No, this guy is gonna do something explosive for every life event you there is…so long as he doesn’t spot some great injustice happening elsewhere in the world that might distract him. Good thing the world is a completely just and good place in which no one is being disproportionately harmed by societal structures, right?
