EA Puts Dana White In UFC 3, Makes Him Inexplicably Powerful

Nobody asked for this, but UFC President Dana White has been added a playable fighter to EA UFC 3. And since White is a cantankerous blowhard who spouts obvious untruths on a regular basis, it’s fitting that his in-game stats do not even remotely resemble his capabilities in real life. At least he’s a free download?

White joins the game’s light-heavyweight division with stats of 91 in striking, 86 in grappling, 86 in stamina, and 90 in health. Those aren’t world-beating stats by the game’s standards, but they’re very good. White, a man whose most notable real-life physical attribute is his ability to turn increasingly vibrant shades of red over time, outdoes a number of UFC greats and legends in certain categories.

As MMAJunkie journalist Mike Bohn pointed out, White’s “striking is equivalent to Gokhan Saki, his health equal to Alexander Gustafsson, his stamina better than Lyoto Machida and his grappling better than Anderson Silva.”

Saki is a kickboxing monster known for his otherworldly power, Gustafsson is one of the few fighters to take disgraced greatest-of-all-time candidate Jon Jones into deep waters (and many argue that he won that fight), Machida is a fleet-footed karate master, and Silva is another greatest-of-all-time candidate who, despite mostly being known for his striking, has a world class submission game as well. But hey, White boxed once upon a time maybe, so I guess that counts for something.

It’s pretty silly, but then, so is this DLC. That’s kinda the point, I imagine. Still, if you—like most sane MMA fans—have always wanted to beat the tomato sauce out of Dana White, your moment is here, even if it won’t be as easy as you may have been expecting.