Searching as I do from time to time through the video game crossover wonderland that is FanFiction.net, I happened to turn off the mature story filter for a split-second, during which I encountered the raunchiest, steamiest Shadow the Hedgehog-meets-Borderlands story Iâve ever read.
Itâs also the only one, but thatâs not important right now. What is important is that author Lil Knucklez has captured the very souls of Borderlandsâ Lilith and Maya and Sonic the Hedgehogâs âultimate life formâ. Then he makes them have sex.
First, a little set-up.
Author Note: After Iâve watch some Bonderlands 1 and 2 gameplay and some playthrough to it and this gave me an idea. Why not put the Ultimate Life Form with the 2 sirens together.
This is a perfectly legitimate idea to have after watching some Bonderlands 1 and 2 gameplay. If your first thought after seeing a female character in a clip from a video game isnât âHey, they should have sex with an anthropomorphic hedgehogâ, then maybe you should take a good long look inside yourself.
This tale, titled âHedgehog and his Sirensâ (not to be confused with the sequel), sees Shadow tooling about town on his motorcycle when his phone rings.
âHey Shadow, me and my friend here would like some company. Come on overâ the unknown female replied
âI donât knowâ
âCâmon, weâre lonely here and we want to have some fun. Please come over and donât keep us waitingâ
âWell⌠Ok, send you asked nicely. Iâll be there in about 4 minutesâ
Right off the bat Shadow establishes his dominance, making the mysterious woman wait for his answer. And 4 minutes? This is a fuzzy little critter that knows where heâs going and how long it takes to get there; not five minutes, not a minute â 4 minutes.
That doesnât leave them much time to make microwave popcorn. And just who are they anyway?
Minutes later, Shadow arrived at the destination. He heads inside the residence and closed the door. The 2 ladies notice Shadow as they walk up to him as one female has red hair whose name is Lilith and the second female had blue hair as her name was Maya. The 2 ladies walked up towards Shadow and putting their hands on him and snuggled up to him seductively.
âWeâve been waiting for you, Ultimate Life Formâ Lilith cooed as she and Maya began to kiss on Shadow smoothly and rapidly
Lil Knucklez is obviously well-versed in the physical arts. âSmoothly and rapidlyâ. Now thatâs hot. Smoothly
In the interest of keeping this PG-rated Iâll skip the bits about hands slipping down towards places hedgehogs wonât normally give up without horrible puncture wounds. Suffice it to say that just as things are about to get all dirty, Lilith and Maya decide to put on a little show.
Lilith and Maya giggled and they got up from the bed as they head to the pole and start to dance. Lilith put on some soft music as the song began to play Gucci Mane: I Donât Love Her ft. Rocko and Webbie. Lilith and Maya dance to the song to the pole and start to move their hips to the song. Shadow starts to enjoy the show as he put his hands behind his head and just watch the 2 sirens dance.
In the interest of setting the correct mood for this scene, Iâve included the official music video for Gucci Maneâs âI Donât Love Her ft. Rocko and Webbieâ. Itâs pretty easy to imagine the rest now, isnât it? Glad I could help.
âYou like what you see here, babyâ Maya asked
âYou bet I am ladies, why donât you ladies come over here and get all of this pleasureâ Shadow commanded as he gave them a come here finger
Come here fingers: Now available in your grocerâs freezer.
The rest of the story gets incredibly dirty in an inept sort of way, so Iâll just rapid-fire a few short lines for your consideration.
âLilith and Maya smiled as they drop it low and start to crawl to the bed seductively and smoothly like a kitty cat.â
âYYYYYEEEEESSS SHAAAAAAADOOOOOOOOOOOWâ
âWell Iâm glad that we had this fun and a good time ladiesâ
âWell in the meantime ladies, since weâre all worn out for the last longing sex. How about we all go to sleep nowâ
After a prolonged period of extra consonants and vowels the ending is just as satisfying as youâve probably imagined by now. Lil Knucklez proves his passing familiarity with sexual acts again and again until he the characters collapse, breathless and satisfied.
He could have stopped the story there, but he canât resist taking one final shot at the lesser hedgehog of the series.
Sonic nodded and they walk back to Tailâs place but suddenly, they then notice Shadow and the 2 siren ladies were up on him as they were walking together and the 2 siren ladies were smiling.
âWow⌠Shadow got the ladies in his touchâ Sonic exclaimed
âUh huhâŚâ Tails replied
Sirens image courtesy of One-Bit World
(This article originally posted on 10/22/2012)
