Sonic fans sometimes have a notorious reputation among the general internet populace that weāre terribly annoying, way too demanding, and that we have an unwarranted sense of entitlement. As a fan, I can boldly proclaim that while all of that is 100 percent factual (in an opinion kind of way), I can also say that Iām the only Sonic fan, nay, the only gamer to get a girl to sleep with me upon a bed of Sonic.
I moved out of my parentās house at the ripe age of 20, and let me tell you something, it was the best move Iāve ever made. At home I had rules and regulations on how I was to enjoy myself (bringing girls to my room was a big no-no) so I did the only logical thing and hit the road. At my new place I was a free man, a man who was free to decorate his room the way he felt a man-cave should look: covered from head to toe in Sonic the Hedgehog memorabilia. Action figures still in their packaging lined the walls, a poster of Eddie Lebronās live-action fan film starring Jaleel White in the kitchen, and the cream of the crop ā a giant Sonic the Hedgehog throw blanket with matching pillow cases on my bed.
Now, one might take a look at such an apartment and immediately declare āthis guy will never get laidā
Now, one might take a look at such an apartment and immediately declare āthis guy will never get laid,ā As a self-proclaimed ladies-man, I made it my job to disprove such a theory. I believe that any guy can land any kind of girl if heās both confident and true to himself, so when I found acting like a fool wasnāt working, I decided it was time for change. I tried online dating, checked out a few girls, and got checked out myself. One girl in particular was cute, funny, smart, and most-notable-in-the-context-of-this-article, wasnāt a nerd at all. Another thing that caught my eye ā she had never dated a nerd before.
We met up at the local Starbucks where we got to know each other over some coffee, nothing big. There was definitely a mutual attraction going on, mostly because neither of us made the ādateā out to be more than it was. I treated her like I would treat any of my friends, which made her feel really comfortable. She thought it was cool how I just did my own thing, and she was really interested in my comedy. I was confident about myself, and she instantly dug that.
I invited her over my apartment, and of course she wanted to see my bedroom. She broke out into hysterical laughter at my over-the-top Sonic the Hedgehog room, and I will admit I was a little embarrassed at first, but she was totally into it. She thought it was endearing, in a way. We then had sex on the fabled Sonic the Hedgehog blanket, and it was good.
Trust me, she wasnāt the only one to enjoy His Royal Kailness upon such luxuries. In fact, there were many others (which you can read about in my book Slackerās Paradise). The truth is, if youāre a nerd, geek, gamer, lamer, whatever ā you can get the girl. Interests donāt matter much in the end, the best way to get a girl interested is to be confident in yourself, donāt try so hard, and make sure they feel comfortable. Remember my golden rule ā A.B.C, Always Be Closing.
My next goal is to decorate my room in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic memorabilia and see if my girlfriend doesnāt make me sleep in the yard for a week. Once you get tied down everything starts looking more and more like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond
Kris Kail is a comedian, life-long gamer, and author of the book āSlackerās Paradise ā The Collective Writings of an Internet Radio Hostā. You can find him on Twitter under the name @DudeGurlz and you can read about all of his wacky antics at Kailās Big Time Burger Joint
[Editorās Note: Weāve taken some heat for this story. Some didnāt find it funny. To that I expect condemnation only for our taste. But to those who feel the story supported a view that our readers are all straight, male gamers, I do apologize. I should have caught that in the editing process of what was intended to be a light, humorous story. No article on this site should make you feel that you donāt count as a gamer. If this article made you feel that way, I apologize. Thatās not on Kris, who was simply trying to entertain our readers. Thatās on me. -Stephen Totilo, Editor-in-Chief, Kotaku.com ]
