Final Fantasy VII Rebirth

Play it on: PS5
Buy it from: Amazon | Best Buy 
Current goal: Get the fuck out of the Gold Saucer

I’m back in the Cait Sith saddle folks and it feels, ugh, fine. I was having a blast with Final Fantasy VII Rebirth at first—funny dialogue, beautiful cinematics, and just the right mix of open world fluff—but I hit a wall in Costa Del Sol that stopped me dead in my tracks. That whole completing random mini-games, including actual honest to god Fiverr-style gig work just to get bathing suits to get on the beach to do a random boss fight that didn’t exist in the original game was just not working for me. More recently, I’ve been making my way through Corel and to the Gold Saucer and the ups and downs are getting even more uneven.

One minute I’m having a blast opening treasure chests, grinding fights, and listening to cool soundtrack remixes. The next I’m Yuffie doing…an extremely stiff grappling hook swing from one environmental interactivity node to the next. Eco terrorists saving the planet from alien-infused super soldiers? Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Shooting boxes on a mine cart? Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck. When I reached the Gold Saucer in the original game it was a fun reprieve. This time I can’t wait to be done with it. Fortunately, the core of Final Fantasy VII Rebirth remains strong enough to barrel me through from one ridiculous design choice to the next. Only, like, 50 more hours to go! — Ethan Gach