Snacktaku Eats Stale Munchkins And Sadness At LaGuardia Airport

After spending nearly a week in New York City eating Taco Bell and attendingToy Fair 2016 I was more than ready to fly home to see my wife and children. Due to uncooperative weather I spent the night on the floor at LaGuardia instead, eating the worst version of tasty things.

My flight to Atlanta was scheduled to leave at 3:45 PM and reach Atlanta by 7 PM, but some sort of weather disturbance had cancelled two flights before mine, and soon our status changed from “On Time” to “Canceled.” With later flights all booked due to prior canceled flights, the earliest I could head out was 8 AM the next morning.

Kudos to the American Airlines phone support person for scoring me a flight from NYC to Charlotte to Atlanta. Most customers inquiring at the flight desk were being told they couldn’t get out until the next evening.

Also thanks to my boss, Stephen Totilo, for offering to let me come crash at his place for the night. I should have taken him up on it, but in my mind leaving the airport was putting more distance between my family and I, and my twisted brain would not allow it.

Besides, all I had to do was wait 16 hours while guarding my luggage from tampering. My luggage is a place of wonders. I grabbed some food, read some comics and just bummed around for a bit.

Around 8:30 PM everything started closing, so I panicked and went to the one place I never go in an airport: Dunkin’ Donuts. I don’t mind fresh circular pastries from local stores, but airport Dunkin’ Donuts shops have never heard the adjective “fresh”, and they aren’t too keen on “circular” either. But I was feeling mighty depressed at being so temporally distant from my family, so I bought a sack of jelly-filled Munchkins. If they were somehow good, then that would be great. If not, at least they’d fit my mood.

They fit my mood. I munched on a couple, which mentally prepared me for the next step in wasting time, the hallway nap. I curled up in a corner with my arms twisted in baggage straps and slept fitfully for a couple of hours. When I awoke, I recorded the video atop this post.

If you don’t want to watch the video, here’s the gist of it in GIF form.

After my late-night depression dining concluded things did begin to look up. I found some LEGOs in my bag and made a little guy to keep me company.

I witnessed some pro-level chair sleeping.

Klevin the LEGO man went on several grand adventures.

Eventually I slept for a few more hours, waking around 5 AM to make my way to my departure gate. By 1 PM I was home. By 3 PM I was with my kids, who didn’t seem all that bothered by me being away in the first place. Next time I’ll bring them home some Munchkins as a treat, the little jerks.

Snacktaku is Kotaku’s take on the wild and wonderful world of eating things, but not eating meals. Eating meals is for those with too much time on their hands.

To contact the author of this post, write to [email protected] or find him on Twitter @bunnyspatial