Human nature dictates that whenever people acquire new tools for visual expression, theyâll use them to draw dicks. So when Nintendo revealed that the latest (and, quite possibly greatest)Super Smash Bros.would come with a level editor, was there any doubt about what players would do with it?
Of course not. Shortly after the stage builder was confirmed, Reddit user RocketCow said what everybody was thinking with the exclamation âPENIS STAGES INCOMING!â Despite the developers best efforts to limit the extent ofâŠanatomically correct custom stages in Super Smash Bros. Wii U, players havenât been shy about sharing their exceedingly NSFW creations with one another online. Theyâre just a little bit harder to find than the SFW ones, thanks to the fact that a) Nintendo doesnât allow Smash players to share their custom stages directly with one another (undoubtedly for this very reason), and b) the Smash Bros. Stages subreddit draws a hard line with its edict that âNSFW posts are not permitted.â
But you know what they say: where thereâs a will, thereâs a way. And there is certainly a will to create dong-shaped Smash stages. Here are some of the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it?) Iâve seen. Enjoy.
These two come courtesy of Imgur user sesto, whoâs âwaited years for this moment.â Glad you finally found what you were looking for:
via GameFAQs
Canât get much clearer than this one!
Surprisingly, this similar stage is the
only NSFW one that was sent directly to me by a Kotaku reader. Thanks, Hiero! Youâre truly one of a kind:
These next few come from this appropriately titled
video âPENIS STAGES â Super Smash Bros. for Wii Uâ from YouTubers TinyLunchBoxGamers:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4xKgMa0qoY
âVajeyjey Island,â which is the only real attempt I found to render
female genitalia, as oppose to plain olâ male junk. As the two people playing explain in the video, itâs not their best work. The left one is meant to show the hip-and-thigh region of a female body (I thinkâŠ), the lava being a sign that âsheâs on her period.â I guess the one on the right is supposed to be aâŠtorso? Except without the whole neck and shoulders and arms, so that we get a proper view of the breasts? Even the guy in the video admits it looks more like Mickey Mouse.
âMannetissâ
âWhatâs upâ
As they demonstrate in the video, the penis cannons are oriented in such a way that a character caught in one will get shot back and forth between the two in an endless loop. Just like real life!
âYour Mom.â I wonder if the Wii U stopped them from spelling out âthe beast with two backs.â
âHappy Endingâ
âYummy Sausageâ
Yes, that cannon does exactly what youâre probably thinking it does. From the video:
This âeruption levelâ comes from YouTuber
BobFetus TV:
Iâm glad that he made sure to spell out âPENISâ underneath. I wouldâve had
no idea what he was going for otherwise.
âŠ
anyways, you can also see it being built, and then what itâs like to play on!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Hf5TvwrpJ0
Last but certainly not least, these two come from Tumblrâs â
The Jolly Department.â Apologies for the blurriness, I needed to blow them up slightly. Hereâs âEXPAND_DONG(S),â which comes with a note stating: âif you look closely warioâs ready to take it up the ass.â ErmâŠok.
This one, â
EXPAND_BONG,â is meant to be a bong. Itâs also pretty much the only custom stage I came across not modeled after genitalia:
A note underneath reads: â(that cannon insta-kills you. i didnât know until i tested it.).â
Alright, thatâs all for now. But keep up the good work, Smash players! Weâre still at the very beginning of the new Super Smash Bros. generation, after all.
Also, if you want to see some very cool and not at all obscene Smash Bros. custom stages, check out our ongoing roundup of those.
Top illustration by Chris Person
To contact the author of this post, write to [email protected] or find him on Twitter at @YannickLeJacq
