These People Don't Deserve Their Awesome Video Game Twitter Accounts

Ever wonder what @Mario is up to on Twitter? How about @Sonic? Or maybe @Wario, @MarcusFenix or @MasterChief?

You can visit those accounts if you like, but be warned: They’re all pretty awful.

You might think that someone lucky enough to have snagged @Link or @PrincessPeach would be goofing it up with all sorts of in-character tweets. Unfortunately, most of the very best video game character Twitter handles are either empty, protected, or entirely out-of-date, with the exception of the odd random person who doesn’t seem all that aware that they’re sitting on Twitter gold.

Let’s take a look:

@MarioMario

Bio: Blank

Tweets: 3

Following: 10

Followers: 52

Takeaway: This one is just the saddest. A vague attempt at a parody account from 2009 that fell flat after just two tweets… one of which was about being constipated. Mario deserves better.

@LuigiMario

Bio: I’m tired of living in my brother’s shadow.

Tweets: 107

Following: 613

Followers: 1,609

Takeaway: A more considered effort at a parody account that’s been tweeting up until early this year. Probably the best of all of these. Good show, Luigi Mario!

Mario wants to hold a production of West Side Story. I haven't told him yet that the Sharks aren't really sharks.

— Luigi Mario (@luigimario) October 4, 2011

@Zelda

Name: Zelda Ophelia

Bio: Blank

Tweets: 516

Following: 39

Followers: 48

Takeaway: Another private account. Possibly just a person named Zelda.

@SolidSnake

Bio: Enfant terrible

Tweets: 5

Following: 10

Followers: 1,647

Takeaway: Appears to have been started as a parody account before quickly running out of gas.

Psycho Mantis was such a friggin' EMO guy…

— Solid Snake (@SolidSnake) October 23, 2007

@SamusAran

Bio: Blank

Tweets: 0

Following: 0

Followers: 3

Takeaway: Samus was always pretty taciturn, but this is likely a camper.

@Ganondorf

Name: Derek Stout

Bio: Shut-in, violin failure, depressed, sullen, ANGRY.

Tweets: 5

Following: 4

Followers: 7

Takeaway: I don’t even. Clearly a real person, but also one who is very into being GANONDORF. He even yelled at @Zelda about it! Maybe that’s why she set her account to private.

https://twitter.com/embed/status/265825110416556032

https://twitter.com/embed/status/265825305627856896

@Link

Bio: personal art diary of a lonely young artist nobody will hear about

Tweets: 170

Following: 4

Followers: 3

Takeaway: It’s another protected account, but appears to be owned by a real person. I understand the desire to just make work for yourself, but if you want people to hear about your art, maybe open up your account! You do have one of the best Twitter handles ever, after all…

@MasterChief

Bio: Blank

Tweets: 0

Following: 0

Followers:74

Takeaway: Likely camper. The Twitter kind, not the Halo kind.

@CloudStrife

Name: Matti

Bio: Blank

Tweets: 8

Following: 0

Followers: 9

Takeaway: Random human who hasn’t tweeted since 2007. Man, Cloud deserves better.

https://twitter.com/embed/status/104064222

@Bowser

Bio: Internet Troll [Link To RickRoll]

Tweets: 3

Following: 0

Followers: 9

Takeaway: God only knows. I guess if Boswer did have a twitter account, he’d be a total asshole about it.

@NikoBellic

Bio: GTA IV… all the time (is there anything else?)

Tweets: 4,989

Following: 0

Followers: 151

Takeaway: A game news aggregation account that’s been dormant since 2009. Not many mentions of bowling.

GameStop earnings rise, but forecast disappoints – MarketWatch http://tinyurl.com/pkv84w

— NikoBellic (@NikoBellic) May 21, 2009

@Metroid

Name: Alejandro Quintana

Bio: Blank

Tweets: 0

Following: 0

Followers: 2

Takeaway: Zero tweets for Metroid, and Shadow the Hedgehog as an avatar. This is a real waste.

@Sonic

Bio: i am NOT the fast food chain, the hedgehog, or any other corporate entity. feel free to offer me money.

Tweets: 514

Following: 49

Followers: 551

Takeaway: Just an ordinary person who reviews lots of books and liked Rolling Nowhere by Ted Conover more than Vulcan’s Hammer by Phillip K. Dick.

https://twitter.com/embed/status/273328924807802880

@PrincessPeach

Bio: mother.lover,realist,sometimes writer….

Tweets: 301

Following: 8

Followers: 23

Takeaway: Not a parody account, just an everyday mom who tweets about once a month. Actually, go ahead and do your thing, Princess Peach, I’m not gonna say you shouldn’t get to have an awesome Twitter account.