Amazon Issues A Stark Reminder That Digital Ownership Is A Lie

Digital ownership is a lie, part 451. Nintendo pencils in another tiny corner of its 2026 release calendar. And Elden Ring really does cost $80 on Switch 2. It’s your Morning Checkpoint for April 9, 2026, where, like everyone else, I’m dreaming of becoming one of Grand Theft Auto 6‘s first UGC millionaires.

If you recently watched Project Hail Mary and enjoyed Ryan Gosling’s super-cozy knit fox cardigan, you’re in luck. A fan has made her own and is selling them for $500.

Amazon is killing off people’s old Kindles.

Scrap your books, they said. Get a Kindle, they said. You'll have a whole library on one device, they said.

In my brief life, I have owned records, cassettes, CDs, VHS tapes, DVDs. I have never seen a technology that didn't end up defunct or superceded.

I'm keeping my books. https://t.co/HFDX3vKBty

— John Barach (@John_Barach) April 8, 2026

The company, which began as a humble online book retailer, has recently informed Kindle owners that any of their e-readers from 2012 and earlier will no longer be supported as of May 20, 2026. They’ll still be able to read the books they currently have downloaded, but won’t be able to purchase or download new ones. If the Kindle needs a factory reset for any reason, it will effectively become bricked.

The devices literally just display text and work just fine, so it seems particularly malicious of Amazon to needlessly antagonize people just for owning older Kindles. It’s a reminder that nobody owns anything in a digital world and that what feels like “forever” really only lasts a decade or two at most.

Why is Elden Ring $80 on Switch 2 for a game key card?

A new listing for the port appeared on Amazon with a price tag that’s giving people sticker shock. It’s not as surprising once you realize the Tarnished Edition includes the $40 Shadow of the Erdtree expansion, which many believed was GOTY-worthy in 2024, and that $80 is the standard price of the double package on Steam. Still, that’s a lot for an old game that doesn’t even come installed on the physical card.

Fans are not impressed with the James Bond PS5 controller

“Every element of the DualSense design was crafted as a celebration of Bond’s return, blending legacy and modernity to create a controller that feels unmistakably 007 from the moment you see it,” writes 007 First Light franchise art director Rasmus Poulsen. Fans aren’t buying it, quipping instead that it looks like it should be a limited-edition controller for the next Zelda game. “lmao, whoever designed that doesn’t understand either a) it’s looking through a gun barrel b) the purpose of rifling c) both,” one person wrote on Reddit (via Eurogamer).

That pen has what in it?

The kind of shit a Resident Evil villain carries around and stabs themselves with before transforming into a giant meatblob with lots of eyes to shoot at. https://t.co/JzaueojAjL

— Johnny (@JohnnyMonke) April 8, 2026

A Japanese pen currently going viral online reportedly has a parasite living inside it. IGN reports the maker of the Resident Evil-like device is Tada Suisan. The inspiration apparently came from someone back in 2021 who “was putting Anisakis extracted from his own stomach into ballpoint pens.” “If you use it when signing the consent form for Anisakis extraction surgery at the hospital, you can show them you’re an Anisakis master!” that stationery sicko said at the time. A quick search online led me to some Etsy listings for pens with leeches inside. No thank you!

Nintendo’s other big 2026 Switch game now has a release date

Rhythm Heaven Groove will hit the old console (it’s cross-gen, obviously) on July 2. It’s the fifth game in the cult-classic series that began back on the Game Boy Advance in 2006.

Fighting games are fun and deserve more love

That’s the stance of Invincible VS game director Dave Hall on a classic game genre that’s become more niche over time. “Everybody should play every fighting game,” he told PC Gamer. “Fighting games are just fun—we have a great IP here, and that’s going to make people want to look at it a little more—but it’s fun to get in there, press buttons, and hit people. Be competitive if you want to be, go as far as you can take it.”

Simply hitting people in games is a lot of fun, something players often forget in the modern era of lootbox rewards and battle pass progression.