Only the juggernaut that is Pizza Hut would have the balls to spend millions of dollars on post-Super Bowl advertising to introduce the world to its version of the tiny pizzas they sell in the Wal-Mart freezer section for a dollar apiece. They arenāt bad, but your time to really enjoy them is quickly running out.
The Pizza Hut Big Pizza Sliders are the even-more-personal version of the Personal Pan Pizza. At only 3.5 inches across at its widest point (donāt want to confuse the foodies by bringing geometry into this), each Big Pizza Slider in a convenient handful of pan-style pizza that will fit into the empty disk drive bay of an older computer. Pizza Hut sells them in batches of three ($5.00) or nine ($10.00), so you might want to hit up a used PC store before ordering.
Portability is one of the greatest strengths of the Big Pizza Slider. Another is variety. Each Pizza Hut technician has received clearance to decorate these mini-pizzas in groups of three, so a box of nine means you can order three different sets of toppingsāthatās pizza squared, only they are round and I promised I wouldnāt bring math into this.
For the purposes of this review I ordered a box of nine Big Pizza Sliders with three different topping combinations. First I went traditional with straight-up pepperoni.
Its compact size and thick crust gave me Pizzabon flashbacks.
https://lastchance.cc/cinnabons-pizzabon-the-snacktaku-hideous-abomination-r-5936215%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E
For the vegetarian inside me (I ate one), we have green pepper and red onion.
Note the tiny shards of vegetables that wound up on these. Pizza Hut finally found a way to use the remainders at the bottom of the veggie bin. Good for them!
For the last variety I decided to go mildly exotic.
Good old pineapple and ham. I mean good exotic pineapple and ham. Until Iāve been to Hawaii it still counts.
It bears noting that the Pizza Hunt technicians have yet to figure out how to limit the pineapple on these tiny pizzas. I swear there was more fruit on those three little bastards than on any one regular-sized Pizza Hut pie Iāve ordered.
Not that I order from Pizza Hut all that much. Of the big threeāDominoās, Papa Johnās and Pizza Hutāthe least possessive is the one I normally pass on (though lately Iāve been frequenting Jetās Pizza, home of the best BLT pizza anywhere), mainly because my wife worked there for a couple of years and whenever I suggest ordering from them her eyes glaze over and she just stares off into space for hours.
The secondary I avoid Pizza Hut is the same reason youād best order these guys quickāoil.
Order a Pan Pizza from any well-established Pizza Hut and take a big bite of the crust. Itās so juicy it could almost be considered a fruit. Thatās the oil from the bottom of the pans the pies are cooked in. At first thereās a light coating, and the pizzas that emerge from them are light-ish and almost delicate. Over time that oil coating builds and builds, until each pizza produced is dripping with the stuff.
Since the Big Pizza Sliders are a new product, all of the pans are new as well. The first batch I ordered, back when they first went on sale at the beginning of the month, were perfect puffy pieces of portable pie. They were delight to eat, warm and thick (but not too thick). The toppings are balanced nicely to the small size, and the thin edge meant I was never biting only bread.
The second batch I ordered this weekend from the same store. They were not as good. Hereās why:
It has begun.
Now Iām sure that not every Pizza Hut store lets its pans get as sloshy as the ones my wife used to describe before I banned her from ever talking about her previous employment again. Maybe thereās a Pizza Hut manager out there that sees oil pouringānot drippingāfrom his or her equipment and isnāt too tired and worn-down to give a damn. That store and that store manager do not live near me.
So if youāre keen to try the Pizza Hut Big Pizza Sliders, by all means go for it. Just do it fast, before the āSlidersā in the name takes on a whole-new, disturbingly biological meaning.
Snacktaku is Kotakuās take on the wild and wonderful world of eating things, but not eating meals. Eating meals is for those with too much time on their hands. Past critiques can be found at the Snacktaku review archive.
