They Broke Up the Band

You might remember two weeks ago I shared with you the awesome name of my Rock Band band. Sadly, it got moderated faster than a Super Mario themed-LittleBigPlanet Level.

https://lastchance.cc/this-rock-band-name-goes-to-11-5134027%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E

That’s right, apparently Kentucky-fried familial relations are a wirdy-durd on Xbox Live. “Grandma Incest” was OK for about a week, then I logged on and discovered the moderation screen. Dude, we were on tour with The Scorpions in Germany, do you have any idea what a hassle it is to print new tickets, posters, flyers – to say nothing of the fact we’ve alienated millions of fans who identified with the Grandma Incest movement and experience.

I even emailed Major Nelson about this to ask if this was a Microsoft or a Harmonix thing; he hasn’t gotten back to me, but the first email I sent, the postmaster bot bounced it back for language – and the only objectionable word I used in the email was “incest.” Maybe I should have spelled it in leet. 1nc3s7? Whatever, doesn’t matter, the mans has officially kept me down. Sigh. So we’re onto our backup band name:

https://lastchance.cc/this-rock-band-name-goes-to-11-5134027%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E

Look, mom, we’re up to “medium”!

Anyhow, everyone has had such a good time with this, and we got so many awesome Rock Band and Guitar Hero names submitted in the last post, that I figured I’d put the best ones together in a hypothetical awesome all-star ensemble lineup for a Super Bowl halftime show that would be shitloads better than Janet Jackson’s tit or Prince’s satanic penis on the 50 yard line. Here is our show, whose theme is “Up With People Out the Ass!” Music selections are mine, taken at random from my iTunes library. Don’t like yours? Tough. Come on, this is supposed to be fun.

Kotaku All-Star Ensemble Halftime Show

“Up With People Out the Ass!”

Featuring:

• An Hero (TheMagicPie) performing “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson.

• Buttmüsli and the Sanctuary (Kasuli) performing “Der Kommisar” by After the Fire.

• Bull Milk (LogicBox) performing “Highway Patrol” by Junior Brown

• Dolphin Cockring (Sebastian28) performing “Nineteen” by Harold Faltermeyer Paul Hardcastle.

• Xtra Krispy Shame Gravy by (NuncioEurymachus) performing What is Love? by Haddaway

• Prolapse in Judgment (Brmarlin) performing “Piss Up a Rope” by Ween.

• Barfing Cattle (MysteryMeat) performing “Hair” by the Cowsills

• Jemima’s Witness (Sandbox_Emperor) performing “Little Bastard” by the Ass Ponys

• Vogon Poetry (Maddogdw) performing “Theme from Robocop” by Basil Poledouris

• Peyote Ugly (Dirk_Dorkelson) performing “We Just Won’t Be Defeated” by The Go! Team.

• Morgue Orgy (ArnoldCaiti) performing “U.S. Customs Coast Guard Dope Dog” by George Clinton and the P-Funk All-Stars

• Priapism (Willyt9) performing “Legacy” by the Gone Jackals

• Word Salad Jazzmatron (Adopted Wuss) performing “Renegades of Funk” by Rage Against the Machine

• Finale: Frenulum Rangers (formerly Grandma Incest) performing “Luka” by Suzanne Vega

and then …. special encore …

• The Mike Fahey Magical Mystery Tour … performing … “The Touch” by Stan Bush

https://lastchance.cc/stan-bush-wants-the-touch-in-guitar-hero-rock-band-5059337%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E

Enjoy the game. It kicks off in about an hour.