B-Tier

Giovanna (Standard)

Only slightly less hot than Goth Giovanna, but she falls to B-tier on account of not only being a cop, but being weird about it too. She takes any complaints about the police really personally, so much so that she has been asked to not return to her local lesbian bar because she won’t stop arguing with women she has never spoken to before, which is what drove her to the apps. Instead of confronting her complicitness in a broken system, she’s chosen to double down and it makes her profile kinda rancid.

Chipp Zanuff

Someone take this dude’s phone away. Not because his bio is bad, or because he’s a creep or something. He’s just way too online. He can talk about two things on dates: himself, or whatever meme or bit of Twitter discourse he just saw. You’ve never seen such a silly person take themselves so seriously, with zero warning as to which version of him you’re getting at any moment. Either commit to being a self-serious nerd, or be the shitposter in your heart. I promise you’ll be more romantically successful, Chipp.

Ramlethal Valentine

Ram is just an e-girl in training. I mean come on. She’s covered in belts and bandages, a lot of accessories, borderline an edgelord, and really good at commanding a room with her presence. Sadly, once you get to know her, you quickly realize the most interesting thing about her was her impeccable vibes, and that she has a lot of growing to do. Ram, I’m begging you, get another hobby other than just looking cool.

Millia

Millia’s phone will not stop blowing up. It is just a nightmare of notifications. She uninstalls the app weekly because of it. The other problem is that she is physically incapable of actually messaging anyone she’s matched with. To speak to another human being is a living nightmare! It is much easier to be hot and silent, and this is the difficult path Millia has chosen to walk.

Potemkin

The kind of dude Leo wishes he could be. Just a big heart in a massive, muscled body. Just wants to give you a hug.

Axl

Really hung up on his ex, but he doesn’t let it get too much in his way, unlike Sol. He’s doing okay, kinda in a dirtbag fuckboy phase, but he’s working on it! He’s a pretty, dirty boy and he deserves at least some respect for not being actively harmful to those around him.